Recycle.

I've changed, I've become the pothole in the road everyone drives over. I've counted the days and once I ran out of fingers and toes, moved onto bones and veins. My eyelids rise up like the curtains of a low budget cabaret theater every morning, slow and with no hesitation or pause. I've come to wish that my eyelids became heavy enough so I'd have an excuse to not have to look at what I've become. Self Loathing seems to be something I have come quite accustomed to, the simplest of tasks have become a burden to me. To be quite honest, I am just looking for excuses to stop living so I wouldn't feel as guilty about feeling so god damn miserable. In a purest of sense my fountain cup of youth has become empty and I'm all out of life's syrup. I'm not even sure if I want a refill, So today I wait and wait for myself to become one with the earth, to break down and become what I've patiently waited for my whole life, fertilizer. Its time I've stopped trying to help myself and end this selfishness, I want to help others grow.

January 05, 2006